Date: Wed, 28 Dec 2011 17:04:51 -0500
From: nabooko
Subject: What’s it all about? Alfe? Anyone?
The countdown for the Christmas holiday was on – I had won a door prize at St. Bart’s weekly Thursday free lunch. Friday a cousin and I drove from Pittsboro over to Biscoe to place a wreath on her son’s grave. We stopped by a little produce stand in Biscoe and bumped into old friends and a distant cousin. My guest stayed over-night with me and left the early the next day.
Sat, Christmas eve was pleasant and sunny- Lots of carols and Christmas music on the radio- TV had a blast of Christmas shows- all going to plan- Some TV weather-men even showed Santa’s progress across the globe. I cooked myself a wonderful supper, had a glass of wine and visions of Christmas danced in my head.
Early Christmas morning, I awoke with a jolt. Was it really Christmas-? Couldn’t be! I hadn’t received one invitation or no one had planned to drop by. About ten o’clock I drove into town and did my work-out bit at the gym. Drove around town and not a soul in sight. Came back home and then the mood began to change. Seemingly, it was just another day. Nothing was happening. No company and no prospects of visiting anyone that was having a good time.
My thought wandered back to the first Christmas I could remember.- I was eight years old. I remembered kissing my Mother goodnight- the next thing I knew, I saw her stretched out on the living room couch- cold, white- motionless. Both my father and I were beside the couch begging her to wake up- I pleaded with my father- “tell her you won’t get drunk anymore!”- “Son,” he replied “It won’t do any good- she’s already dead.”
Of course they are just memories- and should have been erased or forgotten decades ago- But the mind has strange powers- it can protect you or it can sober you up.
About three o’clock this Christmas day- I sank into deep- deep depression- I made some very cold and clinical appraisals of my life. I was alone this Christmas day because I let myself be alone. I am wondering, even though I was alone- how many others were in the same boat?
N.A. Booko