Date: Wed, 30 Oct 2013 13:01:58 -0400
From: stinmar1
Subject: senior care for mama response 🙂
WOW if anything I got more responses than I have on a post in a very long time ! I have read through part of them and since there were good recommendations and similar questions I thought it prudent to post a response to many . I am going to share a thing or two with you about what works in Chatham County for our loved ones and what don’t . Its very clear their isn’t a cohesive support network for our elders in this county . We have many good organizations but they aren’t linked together and have many differing guidelines that make getting help difficult if not impossible at times .
Last year we had a LCSW here trying to mediate between mama , myself and my girlfriend over issues directly caused by her
condition . Long story short , we started the discussion and it pushed the wrong buttons with mama . It became a loud discussion where mama hit my girlfriend after hitting me upside the head the LCSW called 911 and we tried for an involuntary commitment . I spent a couple hours waiting on the magistrate and doing papers while mama went to Chatham Hospital .
I am her POA and we both have the same doctor so I can discuss her health issued with the doctor directly . I was told by her doctor they would hold her and he could get her an evaluation and check her out medically to see what could be done to stabilize her . We returned home went directly to bed and less then thirty minutes after we got home someone from Chatham Hospital BROUGHT her home . She was told to make an appointment with her doctor and look into therapy and sent out the door !
We were all shocked but because of the way the system is and the people contracted by Chatham Hospital to evaluate someone when brought in on and involuntary commitment order . A friend in law enforcement related to me he has seen it to often when they pick up someone up on a commitment order the one committed will be quickly assessed and released literally beating the person home who is doing the paperwork to commit them . The LCSW and our doctor were both upset to say the least and we had to deal with one very pissed off mama for over a month .
Its not enough that a person is violent and could hurt themselves they have to remain that way . Mama can have sugar spikes that make her violent and a dangerous but when her sugar is normal she’s is relatively docile . Her moods will moderate quickly so by the time she’s at the hospital she appeared to be normal so they assessed that she wasn’t a danger to herself or anyone and sent her home without talking to her doctor . She has got to a point where she will remember something out of context and many times her recount of an event will reflect her certain point of view of her reality . Its always everyone else’s fault . She will go from normal to depressed to aggressive without warning . Both therapist have agreed she has some type of deep depression along with possible early signs of dementia but we wont know for sure until we figure out how to get her to cooperate with a psychological exam to determine what kind of help she needs . Our family doctor has agreed with this but again the system is really screwed up so we haven’t been able to do that yet .
Because she has Medicaid and Medicare I couldn’t get any help through the counsel on aging . I spoke to them and they are more for folks who have no insurance or limited resources with one or the other Medicaid or just Medicare . The mental health network in this county is at best barely functional with gaps and shortfalls that make getting a senior help almost impossible . Mental health is contracted out and its not that great a service in this county . The current LCSW I have is an independent contractor . She explained to me that in her opinion the ones who run mental health for the county just add patients and keep them coming in and out the door without offering any real assistance . With my dealings with county mental health so far I am inclined to agree with her . My previous therapist had the same general opinion of the county’s mental health services . This isn’t about bashing anyone or any county service its just the situation as I see it right now . The system is broken and flawed so it makes finding real help for our loved ones very difficult unless you have a six figure bank account on top of really good insurance to pay one of the assisted care facilities in this county your screwed ,
Lastly …. It was a relief to know I’m not alone and it saddened me to know so many others have had to deal with a parent who has for the most part always been docile that becomes abusive and violent and uncontrollable . Diabetes alone can cause some major mood swings with changes in blood sugar levels but add that to some type of dementia or other mental illness someone we love can become someone we cant deal with fast and it hurts . It hurts to know you cant fix it for them or anyone else in the house . The other extreme happened yesterday with mama . She woke up with her blood sugar at 43 . She tried to cook some grits and if I hadn’t come through the house she would have passed out leaning over a hot cook stove . I walked in to find her shaking , very pale , talking out the side of her mouth and hunched over the stove with both legs wobbling to the point I had to take her by the arm . She took her glucose tablets , I got her orange juice ,, finished the grits and forced her to call her doctor who walked us through pulling her sugar up to a safe level . If I had run my errand first instead of walking through to the bathroom she would have more then likely passed out , set the house on fire and possibly died . She is clear minded today and her blood sugar is at 190 . She’s able to function fine at the moment but that will change . I constantly walk on pins and needles worrying about what will happen next . Many of you have responded and related I am in the same boat with those who care for an elder parent . I plan to keep track of this process and repost things that helped me help mama as I go along to help others in the same situation . I appreciate the support ,, the prayers ,, the advice ,,
Goodnite Mark